It's taken five months, a string of doctors in all different specialities, dozens of tests, a handful of medical procedures and a whole mess of needle pokes, but I finally got a diagnosis. Nothing feels worse than not knowing what is wrong with you. Or at least that's what I thought. Not knowing what's causing the pains, the blackness, the sudden uselessness of your glasses you've been using since you were ten. Well, you start to question weather you really are just going crazy. If you go see eight different doctors who all say nothing is wrong with you and send you on your way, you start to believe maybe nothing is wrong with you.
The pain got worse though. My head felt like it was going to explode everyday. My visual symptoms worsened also, I was losing my vision entirely at least 20 times a day for at least a minute each time. I had worn glasses since I was ten years old but for some reason they made things blurry now. I couldn't wear them anymore. It was in March 2011 that I start getting some answers.
When my husband deployed in January 2011, I decided to pack up me and the children and go stay with my parents for a few months. They would get time with all of their grandparents and wouldn't miss daddy quite so much, and I wouldn't go insane living on the military base. Plus, I love and missed my family! So for us it worked out well. While here however my health deteriorated quickly. I had given up finding an answer already. I had seen four different doctors on the military base back home, but I knew it was time to try again. I got a new health care provider, whom I really liked, but he knew right away that my case was out of his hands and sent my for a CT scan and onto a Neurologist. It took a month to even get an appointment with the neurologist, in which time I am losing my vision daily more and more often. When I finally get to see him he tells me that I am having the visual effects of migraines he puts me on medication for it and that's that. However, in case there's more there he's missing, sends me to a special eye doctor.
This is where we get to my favorite part! I go to the eye doctor already on a medication for the visual migraines thinking this is a waste of time and after the doctor looks at my chart I'm pretty sure he thinks so too. However, by the end of the appointment, my eye doctor tells me he thinks I have what he calls a Pseudotumor, and that I need to have a spinal tap done right away because my optical nerves are swollen. One of the receptions then asks me, "Is there someone that will be able to drive you home from the hospital after the spinal tap?" I sat there trying to stay focused. ::don't fall apart, don't fall apart:: My mind was starting reel a mile a minute. I was trying to pay attention to what the doctor was telling me, it was important that I pay attention, but it was like my mind just froze. I couldn't compute what had just happened. It just seemed too surreal.
The doctor went on to his next patients and I left his office, and the second the door shut I broke to pieces. I had wanted an answer so badly, but the word Pseudotumor sounded so serious, so frightening, I don't think I wanted that. I drove to the hospital trying to collect myself and think the whole thing through. What was it the doctor had said? How did I get this? WHY??? What causes it? At the time I didn't know. I was lost in sea of desperation and confusion.
As it turned out I did in fact have a Pseudotumor. I spent the next five hours in the hospital getting my first spinal tap done, from which we learned that I produce too much spinal fluid which is causing pressure to build up in my head, thus putting pressure on my eyes. Alas, a true, solid, proven answer for what is wrong with me. I was relieved to know that a Pseudotumor, had nothing to do with having a tumor, and is cured 90% of the time with medication and weight loss. However, I have always been a stubborn person, so at this time the medication is having a hard time working on me. Which if it fails leaves only a couple options that I would prefer not to try.
I am learning though that this is just one trial in my life, and if it doesn't kill me it's only making me stronger and I am one strong woman. This is my journey back to health.
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