It's been months. Months of fighting, struggling, restarting, adapting. Everything has changed, except for my medical condition. I don't even feel like me anymore. I feel numb. Just numbness to everything. Certainly, this is just the work of the handful of pills I swallow back on a daily basis. The side effects of the medication to fix me, make me wonder if it's even worth it. I live off pain killers, yet I'm still in pain. I never want to eat. I have no energy. No ambition. Daily tasks I now find exhausting. I don't like to cook anymore. Even finding the strength to take care of my children each day is challenging. All because of some stupid pills. I started thinking maybe it'd be ok to just stop taking them for awhile. Just so I could get a break, find me again, but I know what will happen if I do that. If I'm still this sick with the medication then I wouldn't last a day without it. So I take them. I hate the way they make me feel, but I don't see many other options coming my way.
After six months, I am just as sick as I was the day I found out I had a Psuedotumor. Only now the fight is wearing on me, so instead of just being sick, I'm exhausted, angry and bitter also. I don't feel like I'm winning this fight so far.
